I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
