Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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