i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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