my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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