It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I would fuck him just for his dog
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
