i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
