Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
