got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My ATM looks so different sober.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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