I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
