who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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