he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
