It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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