did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
