$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm getting married
To pizza
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
