dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I am midnight drunk by noon
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Randomize