i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize