he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
