so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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