He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
