I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
