I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
