We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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