hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
