could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
