is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We are two peas in an std pod
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
