I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
