my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
