goodnight i made you a song goodbye
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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