He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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