Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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