I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
