I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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