VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
