My Higher Power is John Stamos
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
