I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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