I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
