so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
