It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
