Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
