1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
