im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
