So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
