I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
