I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize