with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
