his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
