So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
