Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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