The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
