I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
