Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
