; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
just found out that she named her cat after me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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