Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
