masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
