Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
