That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
