What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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