Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
