remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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