You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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