I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
