is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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