I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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