Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
