well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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