question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
