i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
