I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
