yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
