My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
