yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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