After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
