He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
