dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize