Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
