Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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