just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize