I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
