coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
